Today was number 14 of 33 of radiation treatments.  Almost half way through.  So far it hasn't been too bad, except for some random pain which happened on Monday that the doctor can't explain. The pain felt like someone was shooting nails into my breast.  It was so bad it would take my breath away and I would scream.  Once the "nail" was shot in then the pain would feel just as if a nail was inside of me!  Rubbing would not make it stop, but after a few minutes it would just go away.  This happened all Monday evening and through the night to Tuesday morning.  Who knows? Not me and not the doctor! Other than that I am only a bit pink in the radiation zone.  I am using some Rx cream samples they gave me which may be helping.

This week I worked with clients in the morning, had radiation at lunch time, then worked with clients in the afternoon.  My energy level has been very good.  When I saw the radiation doctor on Monday (I will see him each Monday) he asked how my energy level was and told me it may hit me at about the 20th treatment.  So I am good for at least another week.  If the schedule goes well I will have my last treatment on Feb 18th.

In better news the pool is suppose to get filled next week!  They say on Tuesday but I am not so certain about that.   The Pebbletec has to be sprayed (and dried, I imagine) which I don't think is getting done til Monday.  Either way by this time next week the project should be complete!  I plan to sit by the pool and get some natural radiation and relaxation!  Nature's medicine is always best!

Love to all!!!

Last week I started the radiation treatments.  They last about 2-3 minutes and it is like getting an x-ray.  The machine moves to one side for a minute then rotates to the other side for a minute.  While it is happening I feel nothing.  Afterwords I feel tender and am starting to see a bit of pink, which may turn to a red sunburn with more treatments.  I think of it like lying in the sun for 10 minutes, then 10 minutes more, then 10 minutes more.  If each treatment is like 10 minutes by the time this is done I will have had 330 minutes or 5 1/2 hours of being in direct sun, so you can imagine what type of burn you would have.

Mentally I imagine the cancer cells getting fried after a day at the beach!  Yes, the healthy cells will have to reproduce, but they will replace the cancer cells.

I do have some questions running through my head such as; How will they know the radiation killed all the cancer?  Do they do another biopsy?  Or do they just assume?  I also have questions regarding the Tamoxifen; How do they know what my estrogen levels are? Is there a blood test for that?  Aren't I at an age where my estrogen production will naturally start to decrease?  Aren't there foods to avoid and foods to eat to reduce estrogen levels? Or is Tamoxifen just the blanket approach?

All that is on the physical level.  I am also spending time asking questions on the spiritual level.  In the book, "Love, Medicine and Miracle" author Bernie Siegel, MD poses such challenging questions as:

       1.Do you want to live to be a hundred? 
       2. What happened to you in the year or two before your illness? 
       3. What does the illness mean to you?
      4. Why do you need the illness?

As profound as these questions are, they may be better answered once I am past this rather than while I am in it.  You know the ole, 'hind site is 20-20'.  We would all like to think we would go through our challenges and come out with some profound life change or awareness...but what if we don't...what if it is just another human experience?

Everyone tells (reminds) me how strong I am.  That is what they see.  I don't always feel that way. What I feel is that I adapt well.  In thinking of Maslow's triangle I have created my own, as a way one may deal with change.  So far it goes like this...

Embrace Change

Accept Change

Adapt to Change

Lament Change

Rebel Change

I am not too often rebelling or lament, although on occasion I do, rather mostly I adapt which is a seemingly neutral position.  I can see 'accepting' and 'embracing' as a more positive approach, but am not there.  Perhaps that is where the profound lies. And perhaps it is easier to accept and embrace once it is past.

Thank you to everyone for your emails and texts offering words of support and encouragement.  It means so much to know so many people care.

Yesterday I went to the radiation oncologist but did not start radiation.  They just did some markings and took x-rays.  They mentioned something about more tattoos...I must have had a horrified expression because the tech quickly said that perhaps they could just do it with the tape markings if I would keep the tape on.  Of course I replied, "I would rather have tape for 6 weeks than tattoos for life!"  Hopefully that will work out.

Today at 2pm I will get my first dose of radiation.  The burning begins.  I envision the radiation burning every cancer cell and new healthy cells generating. I must admit, however, that I am quite apprehensive, due to the unknown.

I am in the process of collecting songs to make a radiation CD to listen on the way to and from the treatments. I am open to suggestions on addition of songs.  The theme is fire, burn, and smoke.  So far these are the songs on the list:
Burning Love
Disco Inferno
Burning Ring of Fire
Baby Light My Fire
Fire on the Mountain
Stand Next to My Fire
Smokey the Bear (Jay's contribution--he may have to sing it too!)
Smoke on the Water
Abracadbra
Great Balls of Fire

Please submit you suggestions here or email or text me.  This is meant to be funny, plus all these songs use fire, burn, or smoke in a positive context.

Love to all!

Today I had my last immune boosting IV therapy.  

Now I suppose I am ready for radiation which will start on January 4th.  Last week I got my radiation tattoos, although I can's see what they look like because they marked big blue X's and cover them with clear medical tape.  So all I can see is the big blue X's! One is right in the center of my chest, which forced to reconsider my evening dress for the yacht club Christmas ball. The new dress was actually quite nice!

I am ready for Christmas!  Tonight we are celebrating with Victoria as she will be leaving for England tomorrow.  We almost had to postpone her trip because Danielle had/has swine flu.  Danielle was very sick and I was extremely worried and felt completely helpless, but she is better now, thankfully.  I still worry that she is going to relapse because I know her and Victoria will want to be out and about.

Jay's son, Ben and his family are coming for Christmas day.  We are looking forward to seeing the kids.

The following day we will leave for Ft. Myers to visit Jay's sister, Nancy and her guy, Fran.

That's about all the news here...the cruise continues, but currently with holiday festivities.  Once the holiday is over I will resume my research on nutrition, alternatives to Tamoxifen, and will probably venture onto the deck of spirituality!

Merry Christmas and all my love!!!

May the coming year bring us peace, prosperity, and good health!

I've been getting a lot of great email responses to this blog.  Thank you!

Danielle left yesterday, headed back to England.  After the airport I stopped by the mall to do some more Christmas shopping.

Danielle went with me on Friday for the IV nutritional therapy...she hates needles...said she was going to wait in the waiting area...next thing I know she comes into the IV suite and is crying...she sat with me the whole time (about 30 minutes) and cried most of the time.  It was so sweet...I was comforting her...just like a mom does.  I told her this was the good stuff, that she shouldn't cry but I think all of emotions just caught up with her.  After I finished we followed my mantra, "When the going gets tough, the tough go shopping!"  We hit the outlet mall and Mall of Millenia.

I will go again tomorrow and Friday for more of the IV therapy.  In addition to the IV therapy I am taking lots of vitamins, the list includes; Cellular Forte Max (mushroom extracts), CoQ10, Green tea extract, Curcumin, Indole 3 Carbonal, Fish Oil, Melatonin, and Evening Primrose. I had already been taking Resveritrol and flax seed which I am continuing.  The list of DO NOT EAT is; meat, alcohol, sugar, soy, licorice root, red clover, pomegranate, and gingko (long term.) Giving up alcohol and sugar is difficult, especially sugar! I am still working on that, but am weening off fairly well, but haven't given it up completely.

Today I have been doing an adrenal gland test.  For this test, I place a little cotton roll under my tongue 4 times at given intervals through out the day.  I could not brush my teeth, or rinse with mouthwash, nor have caffeine, chocolate, broccoli, onions.  I didn't think I could get through a day of no caffeine without getting a headache, but so far so good.  The last test is at 10PM, then I can have chocolate!!! I am going to try not to drink coffee tomorrow morning...maybe I can quit.

Wednesday I have an appointment with the radiologist.  They will do a CAT scan and we will decide the start date for radiation.  I am dreading this, but in another way I am ready to get going and get it over with.

Most days I don't feel like anything is wrong with me.  At this point it is much more a mental thing than a physical thing.  All the company, Christmas, and the pool project are keeping me busy!

Love to all!!!

Monday I met with the Dr. Kalidis.  We discussed nutrition and supplements.  I will be going there twice a week for the next few weeks to get IV supplements, plus I came home with a bag full to take daily.  He wants to boost my immune system to prepare for radiation.  I was supposed to meet with the Dr. Looper (Radiation Oncologist) tomorrow, but have rescheduled the appointment to next Wednesday due to having a coaches meeting tomorrow morning, plus the fact that I don't want to start radiation until my body is super charged.

Jay's sister and my brother have come and gone.  We had wonderful visits with both of them!  Danielle is still here until Sunday.  We plan to do some Christmas shopping Friday!

Love to all!!!

Nothing new to report here...but thought I better post since I am getting calls and emails requesting an update.

I am on hold.  I have an appointment with the nutritionist (internal MD) scheduled for Dec 17.  I am hopeful that I will get in sooner if they have a cancellation.  I want to get going on boosting my immune system before I start radiation.  My doctor told me it is OK to start radiation in January.  I don't want to wait until January but do want to get my body in the best possible condition first.

It's a good thing I am not doing radiation yet as I am about to have lots of company.  My sister in law, Nancy, is coming tomorrow with her guy, Fran.  They will stay with us one night then head to Ft. Myers for the month.  Then on Friday or Saturday my brother and his wife are coming for a couple of days.  And as a big surprise, Danielle is coming on Sunday to stay for a week! 

The last couple of days have been busy, long days working with clients, which is always a great thing!  This morning I am going to spread some rye seed on my lawn since we are suppose to get rain tonight and tomorrow.  I love to see the green, green lawn in the winter.

The pool project is in the phase where nothing happens for 10 days, but I am still so happy when I look out back and see what's been done so far.

As for the cancer cruise...I am still on board...but at least for now it is smooth sailing!  Now if I could just sleep through the night and not wake up with all this on my mind!

Love to all!!!