Today is number 17 of 33 radiation treatments and still so far so good!

Monday when I met the rad doctor, he asked the usual, "How's your energy?" question.  I knew he would as they always do on Mondays, so I had the answer ready!  "I feel great!" I said.  "My energy level is wonderful, I think it is all the vitamins and supplements Dr. Kalidis has me on."  To which he replied, "Well if you think that is working."  I had to laugh under my breath.  Of course I think it is working!  He and I just have a personality clash which now I simply find amusing!

Seriously though, I do believe the vitamins I am taking are helping.  Everyone around me has been sick with colds and sneezing and such and I haven't gotten anything.  I think it also helps that I don't have to get up and be in the car by 6:40am anymore.  I can live on my own biological clock which goes to bed at 11-11:30 and gets up at 7-7:30.  Another thing that I think helps is my diet changes.  I no longer eat any meat, except fish and/or seafood once or twice a week, plus I strictly limit my refined sugar intake, and have reduced caffeine to just my morning cup of coffee.  After I eat I don't feel tired or sluggish, I feel energetic.  I truly feel more energy than I have felt in a long time.

I am still working on the spiritual health.  I recently picked up "Spirituality & Health" magazine whose tag line is, "The Soul/Body Connection".  I have read some very contemplative articles.  One is by the Rabbi Rami Shapiro in which he enlightens the relevance of the 10 Commandments. Example:  1.  God is the source of liberation.  Aware of the suffering caused by enslavement to things and ideas, I vow to to free myself from all addictions and compulsive behaviors, both material and spiritual.  Wow!  What an awesome way to bring relevance to the first commandment.  Another example:  4. Remember the Sabbath.  Aware of the suffering caused by slavish attachment to work, consumption, and technology, I vow to set aside the Sabbath as a day of personal freedom, creativity, and play.  Wouldn't we all benefit from that!!!  This was in the January/February 2010 magazine, which I got at Books A Million.  There is more I want to share, but am out of time...got to meet a client in 20 minutes. 

I want to end by saying every wound offers an opportunity to heal, not only the healing of the current wound but many of the wounds that came before.

Love to all!!!

Today was number 14 of 33 of radiation treatments.  Almost half way through.  So far it hasn't been too bad, except for some random pain which happened on Monday that the doctor can't explain. The pain felt like someone was shooting nails into my breast.  It was so bad it would take my breath away and I would scream.  Once the "nail" was shot in then the pain would feel just as if a nail was inside of me!  Rubbing would not make it stop, but after a few minutes it would just go away.  This happened all Monday evening and through the night to Tuesday morning.  Who knows? Not me and not the doctor! Other than that I am only a bit pink in the radiation zone.  I am using some Rx cream samples they gave me which may be helping.

This week I worked with clients in the morning, had radiation at lunch time, then worked with clients in the afternoon.  My energy level has been very good.  When I saw the radiation doctor on Monday (I will see him each Monday) he asked how my energy level was and told me it may hit me at about the 20th treatment.  So I am good for at least another week.  If the schedule goes well I will have my last treatment on Feb 18th.

In better news the pool is suppose to get filled next week!  They say on Tuesday but I am not so certain about that.   The Pebbletec has to be sprayed (and dried, I imagine) which I don't think is getting done til Monday.  Either way by this time next week the project should be complete!  I plan to sit by the pool and get some natural radiation and relaxation!  Nature's medicine is always best!

Love to all!!!

Last week I started the radiation treatments.  They last about 2-3 minutes and it is like getting an x-ray.  The machine moves to one side for a minute then rotates to the other side for a minute.  While it is happening I feel nothing.  Afterwords I feel tender and am starting to see a bit of pink, which may turn to a red sunburn with more treatments.  I think of it like lying in the sun for 10 minutes, then 10 minutes more, then 10 minutes more.  If each treatment is like 10 minutes by the time this is done I will have had 330 minutes or 5 1/2 hours of being in direct sun, so you can imagine what type of burn you would have.

Mentally I imagine the cancer cells getting fried after a day at the beach!  Yes, the healthy cells will have to reproduce, but they will replace the cancer cells.

I do have some questions running through my head such as; How will they know the radiation killed all the cancer?  Do they do another biopsy?  Or do they just assume?  I also have questions regarding the Tamoxifen; How do they know what my estrogen levels are? Is there a blood test for that?  Aren't I at an age where my estrogen production will naturally start to decrease?  Aren't there foods to avoid and foods to eat to reduce estrogen levels? Or is Tamoxifen just the blanket approach?

All that is on the physical level.  I am also spending time asking questions on the spiritual level.  In the book, "Love, Medicine and Miracle" author Bernie Siegel, MD poses such challenging questions as:

       1.Do you want to live to be a hundred? 
       2. What happened to you in the year or two before your illness? 
       3. What does the illness mean to you?
      4. Why do you need the illness?

As profound as these questions are, they may be better answered once I am past this rather than while I am in it.  You know the ole, 'hind site is 20-20'.  We would all like to think we would go through our challenges and come out with some profound life change or awareness...but what if we don't...what if it is just another human experience?

Everyone tells (reminds) me how strong I am.  That is what they see.  I don't always feel that way. What I feel is that I adapt well.  In thinking of Maslow's triangle I have created my own, as a way one may deal with change.  So far it goes like this...

Embrace Change

Accept Change

Adapt to Change

Lament Change

Rebel Change

I am not too often rebelling or lament, although on occasion I do, rather mostly I adapt which is a seemingly neutral position.  I can see 'accepting' and 'embracing' as a more positive approach, but am not there.  Perhaps that is where the profound lies. And perhaps it is easier to accept and embrace once it is past.

Thank you to everyone for your emails and texts offering words of support and encouragement.  It means so much to know so many people care.

Yesterday I went to the radiation oncologist but did not start radiation.  They just did some markings and took x-rays.  They mentioned something about more tattoos...I must have had a horrified expression because the tech quickly said that perhaps they could just do it with the tape markings if I would keep the tape on.  Of course I replied, "I would rather have tape for 6 weeks than tattoos for life!"  Hopefully that will work out.

Today at 2pm I will get my first dose of radiation.  The burning begins.  I envision the radiation burning every cancer cell and new healthy cells generating. I must admit, however, that I am quite apprehensive, due to the unknown.

I am in the process of collecting songs to make a radiation CD to listen on the way to and from the treatments. I am open to suggestions on addition of songs.  The theme is fire, burn, and smoke.  So far these are the songs on the list:
Burning Love
Disco Inferno
Burning Ring of Fire
Baby Light My Fire
Fire on the Mountain
Stand Next to My Fire
Smokey the Bear (Jay's contribution--he may have to sing it too!)
Smoke on the Water
Abracadbra
Great Balls of Fire

Please submit you suggestions here or email or text me.  This is meant to be funny, plus all these songs use fire, burn, or smoke in a positive context.

Love to all!